Golden.

Today I had my 50th monthly check-up with my therapist. And it marked the last day I'm undergoing such. Cheers, me, you're officially on your own now. [If you're asking how I got through this, well, let's just say that years ago, I lost my favorite stuffed toy, forever.]

For four years I have been talking to this one therapist, and for that long a period of time, it never felt like a routine. Each month there was new a story to tell; there maybe some "Nah, same old..." dialogues now and then, but every month he'd provide a different direction to it. I'd tell him everything, often argue; he'd cope, understand, and give food for thought which I've digested excessively. To me it was a rejuvenation of the soul, something my daily dose of Ritalin had never offered.

This is how our last conversation ended up [not verbatim, as I had to blossom it up to make it blog-worthy]:

Dr. Yucoco: This is your last session with me, good news! But you shall keep taking your medication three times a week.

Gian: *sly grin* Thanks. It means this is our last chance to talk, right?

D: We'll see about that. 

Then we both laughed as if we're still meeting again.

D: So tell me, what's going on? You seem stressed.

G: Oh, me? Well, I've been staying up late as usual. Not the productive one though.

D: *here you envision an 50 year-old prepping for a lame joke* You mean, reproductive? 

Poker face.

G: It's the kind where I'd simply daydream the world away. It's as if I caught myself inside a time lapse; everything seemed slow, calm, and quiet, so quiet I can hear my heart beat.

D: So how do you feel when you're in such a state?

G: Hmmm, somewhat between the borderline of asleep but blurry, and awake but in pain.

D: Okay then. I think the problem lies on the fact that you tend to think too much. People tend to, especially during the oh-so-idle times of midnight. If this happens more often, your mind-tides shall then feel home there. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to do, though. There's this commonality to when a person does something he feels is not good, but eventually makes him feel good. Sometimes, it's all about the feeling, it just matters on where you dwell on it.

The conversation died down as he went on to ask about my family and school. The usual catching-up conversation, all personal and nothing special. We ended on a high though, as he asked me one last thing:

D: After all that you've been through, about the love thing, do you think soulmates exist?

G: I like to think that way, but not explicitly so. I'd like to adhere to the belief that there's a somewhat "cosmic" type of energy that can, given the circumstance, attract or repel us humans at any time. I think of it as a "soul bond". There is no exclusivity to love, though. Sometimes it can extend to kindred, or maybe attraction. See, the term itself tells us that there is a magnetic thing going on! If it coalesces in a spiritual form, that I'm not sure of.

D: *thinks* I believe this concept can coalesce in either spirituality, or in experience. It just depends on how you look at it. For example, reincarnation. I imagine if it does exist, a "queue" of souls in bodies would end up reincarnating individuals of a certain period at relatively the same time.

G: But sir, it's all but faithful hypothesis. 

D: It is. But I imagine you and Phoebe's spirits, with yours still 'intact', that in due time, would inevitably find their way back to each other in their next life, and will assume the roles similar, possibly exactly, how you've lived in your past lives.

G: *A thinking face as an expression of condescension* I rather coalesce in experience, though.

D: Hm, it's pretty apparent. Have you noticed how your subconscious guides you when someone across the room looks at you, and you instantaneously look back at them? That's the most common example of this soul bond at work, and it's less of a coincidence than the majority choose to believe.  

Our meeting ended with him giving me his mixtape of when he needs to relax. The list goes:

Hiroshi Fukumura - Hunt Up Wind 

David Gray - Sail Away

Jack Johnson - Losing Keys 

Modest Mouse - Little Motel 

Bob Marley - Three Little Birds

Pink Floyd - Us and Them

The Beatles - Golden Slumbers

B.J. Thomas - Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

Paul Mauriat - Love Is Blue

Fat Freddy's Drop - Wandering Eye

Lenny Kravitz - I'll Be Waiting 

Clutch - White's Ferry

Everything was worth it.